Card Fraud

Helen Starkey, Headteacher:

• Now children, we are not going to make Mother's Day cards just in case some of you don't have Mothers


• And we will not be making Easter cards just in case some of you eat too many Easter eggs and become obese.


• And we will not be making Christmas cards just in case some of you don't believe in Father Christmas.

© BLOGONYMOUS

Adopting The Position

Tony: The position is this. There will be no exemptions for any Adoption Agencies. Except where a Gay couple is also a Catholic couple. Then they should follow their own consciences. OK? Is that clear? And, no, I'm not a member of Opus Dei. And I'm not intending to convert to Catholicism.

Cherie: Ahem.

Tony: Yet.

© BLOGONYMOUS

Religious Tolerance

Benedict:

Thank you for such a warm welcome to Turkey. Turkey is a great country. In fact it is my third favourite country in the whole world!

And Muslims? I love Muslims. In fact Islam is my second favourite religion in all the world! People think I hate Islam: I don't hate Islam!

I just hate Jews, Hindus, Sikhs, Buddhists, Rastafarians, Scientologists, any Christians besides RC and I have a particular loathing for those irritating Jehovah's Witnesses who come banging on the door of the Vatican every few weeks and try and tell ME about God.

© BLOGONYMOUS 2006

Charles & Camilla's Adventures in Pakistan

Charles: Camsy, luv, I know we're in Pakistan and this is traditional dress but no-one's going to recognise us. We'll have to take them off.

Camilla: Not until I've sorted my hair out, OK Chazza?

Charles: You know best, Camsy.

© BLOGONYMOUS 2006

Jack Does The Decent Thing

Jack Straw chairs a meeting of his Blackburn Constituencey Labour Party.

The "new look" is a respose to demands from women in the constituency that Jack and his cronies should cover their faces as they felt "physically sick" at seeing them.

Mr. Straw commented that the women were "within their rights" to make such a demand and it was his duty, as an MP, to respond to such deeply held views.

Asked whether he thought that Tony Blair should also adopt this form of dress, Mr. Straw replied, rather cryptically, "Ah, but Tony already wears a mask".

© BLOGONYMOUS 2006

Berk or Burka

Jack: Er... hello? Gozza?

Gordon: Croak... yes, Jacksy.

Jack: Look, I think I've hit on something.

Gordon: Yes?

Jack: Well, you know how low your image-rating is with the public?

Gordon: Ye-es...

Jack: And how you lack charisma.

Gordon: Ye-es...

Jack: And how some people - not me of course - think you look a bit like an over-sized frog?

Gordon: Do they?

Jack: Well, I think I've got the answer. We put you in a full veil - and then no-one will realise all your shortcomings. Good, eh?

Gordon: And then we remove it when I'm Prime Minister, you mean.

Jack: Er... no.

Gordon: Ah. Croak.

© BLOGONYMOUS 2006