Frog Blog 9: Local Execution Results

FROG: Gozza, why are you whistling? You've been slaughtered at the polls!


GOZZA: Yes, Frog. But I've just got my new Artic Monkeys cd.


FROG: Oh.


GOZZA: Croak. Big croak.

© BLOGONYMOUS

New Year's Frog Blog

Frog: Gozza, have you made any New Year's resolutions?

Gordon: I most certainly have, Frog. In 2007 I intend to finally become fully English.

Frog: Interesting. Do you think anyone will believe you?

Gordon: Of course they will! They believe everythng else I feed them, don't they? About how I've given them lower taxes, how my fiscal predictions are always correct, and how I'm not really a frog.

Frog: But you are a frog, Gozza.

Gordon: Yes. Well. Croak.

© BLOGONYMOUS 2006

Pic Acknowledgement: CEP http://www.thecep.org.uk/news/

Frog Blog 8

Frog: What are you so excited about, Gozza?

Gordon: The clocks go back tonight, Frog!

Frog: And...?

Gordon: That means if they go back to 1997 I can re-negotiate my deal with Tony.

Frog: Gozza... get a life.

Gordon: Croak.

© BLOGONYMOUS 2006

Frog Blog 7: Facing Up To It

Gordon: Frog, they're pioneering a full face transplant operation. Do you think I should have one to help overcome my charisma problems?

Frog: Er... what sort of new face would you want, Gozza?

Gordon: Young, dashing, intelligent, caring, showing a gsoh - though serious when required, and, of course, highly charismatic.

Frog: You mean you want David Cameron's face...?

Gordon: Croak.

© BLOGONYMOUS 2006

Frog Blog 6

Gordon: Frog! Tony's got a list of ten things to do before he leaves office! Can you help me compile my own list of things to do before he leaves office?

Frog:

1. Take charisma lessons.

Gordon: Why would I need to do that?

Frog: I rest my case.

2. Find out what GSOH means.

Gordon: Er...

Frog:

3. Get psychological help.

Gordon: What the hell...!

Frog: That's why you need a GSOH.

Gordon: Ah.

3. Get Alan Johnson caught in a honey-trap.

Gordon: Nice idea!

4. Send the boys round to John Reid.

Gordon: Even better idea!

5. Lose your Scottish accent.

Gordon: But I don't have one!

Frog: Lose it anyway.

6. Support the England team.

Gordon: I do!

Frog: No - support, not pretend to support.

7. Do some excercise.

Gordon: I'm perfectly fit!

Frog: Yes. But do some exercise.

9. Start blaming TB.

Gordon: Do you think that's wise?

Frog: It's bloody essential.

10. Stop claiming you're not really a frog.

Gordon: But I'm not.

Frog: Yes, but stop claiming it. People will think yo need psychological help.

Gordon: Now, look...!

Frog: GSOH remember.

Gordon: Ah. Is that ten? We seem to have got the numbers mixed up.

Frog: Wouldn't be the first time, Gozza, would it?

Gordon: Croak.

© BLOGONYMOUS 2006

Frog Blog 5

Frog: Gozza, what is your honest evaluation of Tony?

Gordon: Clever, funny, articulate, engaging, has a rapport with the party, understands the voters, the best Labour Leader ever, the most successful Labour Prime Minister - the list is endless.

Frog: And what are the chances that the person who follows can emulate him and be sucessful?

Gordon: Er...

Frog: Come on, Gozza. A prudent evaluation, please.

Godon: Nil.

Frog: And do you think he realises that, too?

© BLOGONYMOUS 2006

Little Brown Lies [Frog Blog 4]

Gordon: Frog! Frog!

Frog: What is it, Gozza!

Gordon: Everything's OK! I've spoken to Chezza!

Frog: Oh, yes?

Gordon: Yes! She didn't say "That's a lie". She said " That's my boy"!

Frog: [aside] That's a lie. [to Gordon] Did she? Well that's OK then.

Gordon: It's like she's kissed me. And now I know I can be Prime Minister. Because she only says what Tony thinks. Everything's gonna be OK!

Gordon exits whistling "Things Can Only Get Better".

Frog: That's my boy.

© BLOGONYMOUS 2006

Frog Blog 3

Gordon: Frog, they've uncovered £8.4 billion of VAT fraud. How am I going to explain that?

Frog: Redistribution of Wealth?

Gordon: Do you think I can get away with that?

Frog: Well, you've got away with everything else since you've been Chancellor.

Gordon: Yes, I suppose so. [pause] You don't think I'll be letting the VAT out of the bag?

Frog: Is that a joke?

Gordon: Possibly...

Frog: Gozza, don't try to do jokes, OK? Stick to croaking vacuously.

Gordon: Yes, Frog.

© BLOGONYMOUS 2006

Frog Blog 2

Gordon: Frog...?

Frog: Yes, Gozza?

Gordon: Chezza slapped me.

Frog: Did she? Why, Gozza?

Gordon: Because I made bunny ears behind Tony's back.

Frog: Oh. I see. Serious. He hates to be belittled. He is very self-important. [aside] Bit like you.

Gordon: What?

Frog: Nothing.

Gordon: It's just that I was thinking. If Chezza and I made up, and she kissed me, do you think I would turn into a Prime Minister?

Frog: Gozza, luv. You're not a real Frog. [aside] You just look and act like one.

Gordon: What?

Frog: Nothing.

Gordon: Croak.

© BLOGONYMOUS 2006

Frog Blog 1

Gordon: Croak croak croak croak.

Frog: Er... sorry. I didn't get that. Can you say it again.

Gordon: Croak croak croak croak croak!

Frog: No. Sorry. Don't understand.

Gordon: Croak... Frog... if you kiss me will I turn into a Prime Minister?

© BLOGONYMOUS 2006