John Reid's Ship Comes In [Again]

Beachcombing scavengers on the Devon Coast were surprised to find that several containers, from the stricken vessel MSC Naploli, contained people. Believing they were illegal immigrants the authorities were alerted and the police mounted an operation to cordon off the beach and question the suspects. They all turned out to be British and residents of Her Majesty's Prisons.

Apparently the Home Office, in its increasingly desperate attempts to keep the prison population under control, has been hiring containers, filling them with prisoners and leaving them to serve their sentences sailing back and forth across the oceans.

The prisoners have been offered various inducements, thought to be remission of sentence, cash bonus on release, extra cigarette rations and the chance to appear on a new reality TV Show - Big Porridge.

When Home Secretary John Reid was asked if this is what he meant by purchasing prison ships he replied: "People shouldn't jump to the wrong conclusions here. The literally hundreds of containers on this ship contained a great variety of goods from motorbikes to nappies. We mustn't get things out of proportion. Only a very tiny percentage contained people".

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