A Special Kind Of Sorry

Jose: I wish to apologise for saying that Andy Johnson of Everton is a diver.

I also wish to apologise for

• the Holocaust


• Britain's involvement in the Slave Trade


• And for being Portuguese

Anything else will have to wait for my next apology which is scheduled for April 1st next year.

© BLOGONYMOUS 2006

The Kirkwhelpington Detective Agency Strikes Again!

Lord Stevens of Kirkwhelpington calls for Brian Barwick to give himself up.

Reporter: Lord Stevens, in the last week you have published two inqury reports which cost millions. Were they worth it?





Lord Stevens: Of course. How else would we have known that Henri Paul was a drunk Football Agent who was trying to lure Princess Diana away from Chelsea to Paris St. Germain?

© BLOGONYMOUS 2006

Just Not Cricket

Reporter: What do you think are our chances of retaining the Ashes, Prime Minister?

Tony: Well, you know it is not our instinct to cut and run. We've started on a certain course, there are problems, of course; the opposition is well-practised and ruthless and there are plenty of people who wish us to wave the white flag. But we will fight on and when we prevail, we will consolidate and build for the future securing peace and security.

Reporter: Er... I was talking about the cricket: not the ashes of Iraq.

© BLOGONYMOUS 2006

There [Was] Only One Miss England

Reporter: Miss Lloyd, What do you feel about being stripped of your title?

Danielle: Well, I've stripped for Teddy, I've striped for Playboy so I might as well strip for England, as well, eh? A-Choo. Sorry. All this stripping's given me a bit of a cold.

© BLOGONYMOUS 2006

Getting Real

Reporter: Beck's, there's a lot of speculation about you moving back to a Premiership club.

David: I'm going nowhere.

Reporter: Really? Are you sure about that, Beck's? There's no smoke...

David: Like McLaren's England, I'm going nowhere.

© BLOGONYMOUS 2006